A visceral emotional response to my debt.
I hate my debt. I hate that it’s helping to create my fear of graduating. I should be so excited about creating a career for myself and being able to turn my passions into actions. But I’m finding that as the date approaches, I’m becoming more and more jaded. I’m becoming less optimistic about really working toward my lifetime goals (increasing international development and reducing international armed conflict). You know why? Because I’m scared I’ll have to take a job I really don’t like after graduation because it will pay the bills and I’ll never be able to leave it. I’ll be stuck because of the necessity of paying off this debt.
I’m actually really terrified.
I don’t want that as my life. But paying off these loans is so difficult. And so frustrating. And my patience is wearing thin.
I’m trying to take action and make a plan to pay them off and create my own financial independence, but I have moments of feeling that I will fail — that this plan won’t work and I’ll have to abort my unconventional plan.
But I keep pushing myself, telling myself it will work, reassuring myself that though it takes time, it is an investment that will give me valuable returns.
Perseverance — my greatest asset?
Peace, love and loans,
Jess
September 16th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I was just thinking about this today. People make choices that fit the moment and then get stuck. I know too many people that hate their jobs and are miserable. Don’t let that happen to you. Make a plan and stick to your dreams. Don’t get stuck in the trap. Have you seen Revolutionary Road? The couple in that movie decides to start following their dreams again, but ultimately falls back into the trap of being just like everyone else. Rather than doing what makes them happy. Keep plugging along and good luck finding the job of your dreams.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I’m in that position right now. I hate my full time job, I’m stuck with 4,000 in credit card debt, and 49,000 in student loans. Much like you, I’m working on developing alternative income streams to combat this. Keep your chin up, you’re in a better position than I am. I only started worrying about this in December when my loans came out of deferment.
Plus its just the start of the school year. Give it some time.